Happy Birthday to Hayden

We celebrated Hayden's 5 month birthday on Sunday, January 17th. FIVE MONTHS! Can you believe it? Matt, Hayden and I were taking a walk when Matt looked down at Hayden and said "Hayden, do you remember when you used to grunt all night long?" Although I remembered the horrible nights of constant grunting once Matt mentioned it, up until that point I had completeley forgotten about it. Completely forgotten! Those were the days when I was sure I was not going to survive Hayden's infancy. All of the sleepless nights (and days), the constant feelings of inadequacy and the anxiety. I am not sure when it happened, but gradually it all just stopped. Sure, I still feel anxious and inadequate at times, but it is no longer all-consuming.

So apparently you DO forget (my sisters were VERY right), and in the process, your baby grows and thrives and becomes an amazing little person who does amazing little things and constantly surprises you every minute of every day. You forget the bad and remember all of the joys of their infancy. You remember your tiny little baby cooing and looking up at you and you forget about the 3AM calls to the pediatrician simply because the baby wont stop crying (clearly I haven't forgotten that, but I am getting there).

Even though I know I wont remember all of this, I am so thankful that I will remember the best of it. I would be lying if I said that every day was great, but at least I can't remember why it was so awful at the time. Maybe that is what parenting is all about: selective memory. For my mom and dad's sake, I hope so!